Omigod that was CLOSE. Had Mario Manningham been a tiny bit less agile or lucky, he never stays in bounds for that crazy circus catch. Had Eli Manning’s awesomely precise throw been just a fraction of a percentage less awesomely precise, Manningham never would never have had a chance, anyway. But like they say, football is a game of inches. And in last night’s case, the inches worked out in favor of the New York Giants, and by extension, us here in Indianapolis. Because let’s face it: had the Pats won, it would have been QUITE the turd in the punchbowl of what has been one fantastic week.
Ah, the little things — they make all the difference, don’t they? In honor of them, this Punchlist is devoted to the minutiae surrounding the TV broadcast of last night’s game.
A reasonable start time. I was delighted by the NFL’s decision to schedule this year’s kick-off at 6:30 p.m. Who cares if people in Seattle are just getting out of bed? They’ve got Starbucks. Plus those hippies don’t care about football, anyway.
The Indianapolis Children’s Choir. Really great that those kids got their moment. But too bad the people in charge couldn’t spring for better outfits. They looked like an insurance company’s IT department out there.
Michelle Tafoya. You know what’s fun? Singing “I Tumble For Ya” by Culture Club like this: ”Michelle Tafoya / Michelle Tafoya / Michelle Tafoya/ Tafoya for you!”
Safety Bet. Some guy made more than $50,000 by betting that a safety would be the first score of the game. I like to imagine that he’s some misunderstood genius who based his wager on some complex algorithm he invented in his basement. But he’s probably just some degenerate gambler with a drinking problem.
M&Ms. The most insufferable advertising spokescartoons in the world carted out for another shitty commercial. Millions of dollars well spent!
Debbie Gibson. I don’t know about you but I was all like, “Dayum, Debbie Gibson be lookin’ GOOD on this Celebrity Apprentice promo.” What can I say? Just can’t shake girl’s love.
Doritos. Liked the spot with the cat-murdering dog. And I was glad to see something other than homophobia and ball-punching rewarded in their commercial contest. That said, Doritos still make baby Jesus cry.
Madonna. The nod to James Dean during the slideshow portion of her performance was nice, but I was especially impressed by her shout-out to former Indiana Pacer Metta World Peace during the finale.
GoDaddy. Their commercial sucked like always, but what do you expect from a company with a logo that looks like it should have been on a $5 T-shirt my mom bought me from Hills in 1986.
Gronk. New England’s vaunted tight end Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski barely showed up for the Super Bowl due to a lingering ankle injury. Poor guy. Then again, screw him.
God. In an email to friends and family prior to the Super Bowl, Tom Brady arm candy Gisele Bundchen wrote, “Join me on this positive chain and pray for him, so he can feel confident, healthy and strong. Envision him happy and fulfilled experiencing with his team a victory this sunday.” And God replied, “Hell naw.”