What I should have said:
No offense, but when you came on stage alone with just a cello, I figured it was a good time to catch up on my various Words With Friends games.
Boy, was I wrong. You killed it. I mean, just, wow. Wow.
It wasn’t just your music, which was powerful and raw and completely unexpected and so fucking heavy, but it was the way you played it, with such feeling and intensity and (if I may) eroticism.
Please don’t take that the wrong way. I’m not saying I got off on watching you or anything creepy like that. I’m just saying there’s something strangely arousing about watching an artist expose herself in such a fearlessly emotional way. Plus, the command you have over such a large, unwieldy instrument—it’s kind of sexy is all I’m saying. Is that weird of me to say?
It’s probably weird. But, Jesus, I respect you. All I kept thinking the whole time I watching you was, “My GOD. I wish I could conjure that depth of feeling in my writing for just one sentence.” And when my friend Chris kept making jokey comments about the fact you weren’t wearing a bra (and I hope it’s not skeezy of to bring that up now that I’m standing right in front of you), I just ignored him. If that’s not respect in action, I don’t know what is.
You are an amazing artist, Helen Money. Is that your real name? Anyway, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’d buy one of your CDs, but I don’t have any cash on me. I did sign your mailing list, though, and I’m totally going to look you up online tomorrow. Not in a stalkerish way or anything, but just to check out some YouTube videos of you playing and stuff. OK, I should probably just stop talking and walk away now. But man, you were awesome.
What I said:
I loved your show. It was a real treat.