Bourne Again
Jason Bourne (played by Matt Damon) disappears from rigorous training at CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia, where he is being groomed as a $30 million taxpayer-funded killing machine. Abbott and Conklin dispatch men on the ground in fifteen cities across the globe, but Bourne finally is spotted thirty miles away at Nissan Pavilion, in crowd surveillance footage at a Casting Crowns concert. In the black-and-white stills, his eyes are closed in rapturous delight, hands in the air, caught mid-sway. Two days later, in an empty church after a three-hour Sunday service, Conklin takes the pew behind Bourne, who stays an extra hour for prayer and meditation. “What will it take to bring you back?” Conklin asks. Bourne rises from his kneeler and turns with a serene smile. “Have you heard about a man named Jesus?” he asks. “He’ll tell you what it takes.” Combat assassins rappel from the choir loft, where the parish priest is bound and gagged atop the church organ. Conklin is quiet, reflective. “That’s how badly we want you, Jason. How badly we need you.” Bourne reaches for his holster, then remembers his new life. He clasps his hands in prayer instead.
Bourne Loser
Jason Bourne (played by Matt Damon) is a pimply dork who spends all his waking hours playing Grand Theft Auto and laying around his basement apartment at Iowa State. His diet consists of potato chips and meatball subs, and he has won State’s annual Belch-Off for five years running. His equally geeky roommate gets drunk one night at a frat party, and signs them up for a paramilitary course – where all the instructors are buxom women! Hijinks ensue as Bourne jiggles his way into shape (and a new destiny) when he shows some aptitude in hand-to-hand combat. Before long, long-lashed Sgt. Sonia Strathmore is demanding extra workouts in the ROTC office. “What, you never did wall-sits for hours at a time? Well now’s your chance. And you better not break eye contact with me.” She pushes Bourne to the brink; he finally cries out in pain. That’s when Strathmore reveals her previous occupation as an athletic trainer and physical therapist. The tough-love mentor heals Bourne’s plucked hamstring, while Bourne plucks at the sergeant’s heartstrings. Just one problem: she’s Ward Abbott’s ex-wife.
Bourne To Run
Jason Bourne (played by Matt Damon) spent ten years in military training and embarked on countless foot chases before realizing his true passion: distance running. “I can run flat out for a half mile before my hands start shaking, but I’ve never qualified for Boston,” he says. Clenched-jaw training montages set to Rocky theme music, No Doubt, and, of course, Bruce Springsteen culminate in a race-day crisis: shin splints at Mile Twenty, and projectile vomiting at Heartbreak Hill. Years of chasing down countless U.S. political enemies can’t prepare him for a Czech runner who tries to trip him mere yards from the finish. (Is he packing heat, or is that a Power Bar in his pocket?) In this third and final film in the prequel, Damon is pre-united with Bourne Identity co-star Franka Potente. She reprises her role in 1998’s Run Lola Run, with a twist: she’s Bourne’s new coach, and if he doesn’t run a personal best time, a bomb will explode somewhere in Harvard Yard.
Love it. In chronological order, the very first prequel would have to be Protect the Unbourne. Jason Bourne (played by Matt Damon’s ultrasound) is shown sucking his thumb and other impressive in utero stunts. Bumper stickers everywhere would advertise the movie’s release date.