Everything Wrong with Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving, in One Stupid List

Think you’ve got a rough Thanksgiving this year? Maybe so. But just look at everything one poor, round-headed kid had to deal with.

2048px-Muddy_Waters copy

Hey, Mike Gove! Hands Off Our Mojo
You can't get back what you never had.

Brexit is one thing. Cultural appropriation is quite another. Before British Conservatives go looking for their lost mojo, they need to get a clue.


Orientation Packet for Gotham City Taxi Drivers

Welcome Letter Dear [employee’s name]: Welcome and congratulations on your decision to join the Gotham City Taxi LLC team! We are delighted to have you representing our company in one of the most exciting locations in the world. As you are well aware, it is vital that taxi drivers remain neither seen nor heard, and…

April 26, 2016
Written By:
Top Chef Top Chef

Dishes Served on Top Chef for Cats with Comments Made by Head Judge Tom Colicchio to the cheftestants during Judges’ Table

Vomit gazpacho with poached gopher liver topped with a salad of freshly cut grass and catnip One problem I have with this dish is that there’s so much grass in the vomit itself, there’s no need to throw more grass on there! That salad was overkill. And the catnip just overpowers everything. And the gazpacho…

April 18, 2016
Written By:
El Printador El Printador

El Printador

Steve Regal pressed his palm to the copy machine glass. The heat and smell of toner comforted him. The day before, at the dentist, he’d read in a two-year-old National Geographic a feature on bullfighting in Seville. He’d been waiting for that article for thirty-two years, though he hadn’t known he’d been waiting until he’d…

April 12, 2016
Written By:

It May Be Your Sabbath, But It’s Our 3rd Grade Championship

Dear Ben, I totally respect that your particular religion requires you to abstain from sports on Sundays. But Sunday is our 3rd grade championship game, and the fact is we can’t win without your son, Jonah. We have seven boys who are fair-to-middling at best, and then my son Coop who can’t dribble twice without…

April 4, 2016
Written By:
Medical files Medical files

Modern Medicine

There’s a revolution coming to medical care. Not a new surgical procedure to rejuvenate the aging baby boomers, or even the recently approved drug for female libido. No, it is ICD-10 CM. If it is such a breakthrough, you are probably wondering how you have missed it. ICD-10 CM, International Classification of Diseases, tenth version, is how physicians…

March 21, 2016
Written By:
Screen Shot 2016-03-21 at 3.43.15 PM Screen Shot 2016-03-21 at 3.43.15 PM

An Open Letter to the Only Other Thomson’s Gazelle on this Motherfucking Ark

I’ve been keeping this all in for a while now, trying to be nice and not start a full-on war with the only other living member of my species, but Jesus fucking Christ, Peter. I can’t do it anymore. You’re making us look bad, and I can no longer sit idly by and let you…

March 17, 2016
Written By:
BlueConverseChuckTaylors BlueConverseChuckTaylors

March Madness Invocation 2016

Invoke your personal basketball gods with David Anderson‘s annual prayer for your brackets.

1 2 3 4 5 6 8