December 18, 2015
Written By:
Walrus Man Toy Walrus Man Toy

Star Wars: My Darkest Emotions Awaken

“As we sat down to our scrambled eggs, we heard a great crash and a scream. Our family rushed into the living room to find my Grandma Dalton lying in a heap amid the ruins of the Death Star. My brother and I rushed past her to the shattered remains of our precious play set.” Corey Michael Dalton reflects.

December 17, 2015
Written By:
Star Wars Star Wars

How to Not Watch Star Wars: A Guide for Grown-Ups

“Sorry to piss in the midi-chlorians, but Star Wars is cosmically overrated. More overrated than The Beatles. More overrated than Ronald Reagan, the Olympics, sarcasm, bike lanes, and living past 75.” Matt Gonzales taunts The Force.

December 11, 2015
Written By:
Gail Gail

Nominations for Unforgettable Performance by a Fish

Sometimes the best thing in the frame is the fish. Here are my nominations for the best fish of film and TV: Gail from The West Wing Ace newsman Danny wants to win over White House press secretary C.J. Cregg. When a friend tips Danny off that she loves goldfish, he doesn’t realize it’s the…

July 10, 2015
Written By:
Resistance-is-futile-Picard-Borg Resistance-is-futile-Picard-Borg

The Chicks on the Right are What’s Wrong with America

“This is classic victim-blaming. After being kidnapped, enslaved, segregated, ghettoized, and marginalized for centuries by an overwhelming majority, people of color are supposed to forget their heritage—forget themselves—and become part of the Borg.”

June 11, 2015
Written By:
Screen-Shot-2015-06-11-at-2.25.36-PM Screen-Shot-2015-06-11-at-2.25.36-PM

Lyricbuster: Timberlake + Timbaland = Timberriver

The Song: “Cry Me a River”, 2002 song by Scott Storch, Timothy “’Timbaland” Mosley, and Justin Timberlake, performed by the latter. Of course, there is an older song by the same title, but Lyricbuster thought it best to give the classics a break and hassle someone from this century. Plus, you don’t mess with Ella…

May 15, 2015
Written By:
Screen-Shot-2015-05-14-at-2.51.54-PM-300x168 Screen-Shot-2015-05-14-at-2.51.54-PM-300x168

Lyricbuster: The Pitney Deathgrip

The Song: “24 Hours from Tulsa”. 1963 Gene Pitney tune penned by Burt Bacharach and Hal David, whose undeniable skill didn’t prevent them from unwittingly interweaving an unspeakable undertone into their Dustbowl ditty. The Culprit. “Told her I’d die before I would let her out of my arms.” Gene’s got a girl in Tulsa, someone…

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