Author Archives: Traci Cumbay
“There are more trucker hats and bump-its than I’ve seen in one place. 99.9% of the men have short hair, and 0.01% of the women do. The skinny, disheveled hipster boys I’m used to are elsewhere.” Traci Cumbay reports from the CrossFit Games.
“Now I live downtown. I’m like a deer, if deer wore wedge boots and lived on eggs and coffee.” Traci Cumbay celebrates her semi-walkable lifestyle.
“What I most remember about being a kid is the notion that adults knew stuff. That they had it all under control.” Traci Cumbay gives up childish notions and watches the results.
“‘No, honey, no. Your dad and I will always—always—love you.’ I go further and then regret it. ‘Sometimes ‘daddy’ means a husband or boyfriend, actually. It’s . . . ‘ impossible to explain that one.” Traci Cumbay keeps trying.
“Too bad their attraction never feels real. Even the magic of a montage that shows their bumbling progress as dance partners cannot disguise the meh between them.” Traci Cumbay has a bipolar review of Silver Linings Playbook, the film.
“You all laugh and gasp and aaaw together, anyway, as the goofy humor turns black while Becker’s situation goes from ‘holy shit’ success to unbelievable lows.” Traci Cumbay encourages the laughing and the gasping.
Archeologists call bullshit on the rat theory of the plague; Michelle Bachmann will lower gas prices; etc. Traci Cumbay’s bullshit detector is working overtime.
If you’re a fetus in America, you’re not just a person, you’re exceptional. Unless you’re gay. This week’s bullshit is pure gold.