February 6, 2012
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Live Locally, Mofo

“Over one house and across the way, is a man whose preferred daytime costume is a Speedo bathing suit, black shin-high dress socks, black lace-up dress shoes, an extremely hairy back, and a cervical collar.” Ashley Walker surveys the neighborhood in Part 23 of Gorked.

January 23, 2012
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Be A Buddha

“Cancer had ravaged Tone with the deadly speed of grass fire last weekend, and she’d advised me to…what? She said euthanize him, which is as good a term as any, I suppose. Better than put down, the meaning of which is now curdled by parents putting down their toddlers for naps.”

January 17, 2012
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Crud Love: Aesthetics For The Landfill

“Throw it away and more will come. Like a lousy boyfriend, bad advertising never knows when enough is enough.” And according to Ashley Walker, it’s usually sticky.

January 15, 2012
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Anonymously Yourn

“Thinking this might go on a while, I just…slid out…with my motley purchases, and set off the shoplifter alarm, which goes off every goddamn time I buy something there.” With Ashley Walker, there’s no such thing as a clean escape.

January 9, 2012
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Quilt Squares

“I’ve got some quilt squares that need connecting. The biggest, flashiest squares have to do with the four times my husband was at death’s dark and beckoning door: when he had his stroke, when he had the MRCR staph infection, when he OD’d on captopril, and when he got septicemia.”

January 3, 2012
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Screams In The Night

“And this led to my husband’s and my philosophical discussion on the merits of having your ass kicked. It’s my boy’s contention that every guy should have his ass kicked at least once.” Welcome to another ass-kicking installment of Ashley Walker‘s Gorked.

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