March 19, 2012
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The One-eyed Girl Is Queen

“Somehow we had become a nation that couldn’t save New Orleans but can offer salted Saltines, no-fat Saltines, no-salt Saltines, lightly-salted Saltines, lightly-salted and 0-trans fat Saltines, unsalted whole wheat Saltines, and salted 0-trans fat whole wheat Saltines.” Ashley Walker learns about the priorities of capitalism in this week’s Gorked.

March 12, 2012
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Meeting The Minotaur

“I’ve always believed that the worst aspect of Job’s plight was not losing his land and being covered with boils. It was having his in-laws visit him while he squatted on his pile of dung, with every self-righteous prick eager to tell Job what he was doing wrong.” Ashley Walker analyzes the Old Testament.

March 5, 2012
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A Brief Inventory Of Hideous Objects

“Glance down and you’ll see an infant’s dress flattened into the dirt yard, sleeves outstretched like arms. You stare at it, terrified. Nearby lies a pair of pajama pants, printed with pink horsies. It’s flat as a pancake too.” And other hideous objects as seen by Ashley Walker.

February 27, 2012
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Black Dog Running Loose

“I have an addict friend who calls his invariable bouts of crashing depression the black dog, as did Winston Churchill. My friend is sober now and has been for 39 years but the black dog still stalks him, slavering and angry, howling in rage. Looking to eat.” Part 26 of Ashley Walker‘s Gorked.

February 20, 2012
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Trees, Tweakers, And Other Sorrows

“I wondered what it was about tree guys. Everyone we’d ever hired was a lunatic. Tree trimmers were out in the fresh air; since so many were tweakers, maybe all that oxygen amped up the meth. It was hard to say.” Part 25 of Gorked, Ashley Walker‘s memoir-in-progress.

February 13, 2012
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Guns, No Roses

“And then, sometimes stuff…just happens. You don’t know why, but there’s a weird twist in the atmosphere and a thing will take on a life of its own, until all hell boils over like a pot of oatmeal.” Ashley Walker talks gang violence, drunk idiots, and the Dallas S.W.A.T. team in Part 24 of Gorked.

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