I won’t dispute that Steven Spielberg is one of the great American directors. Taken together, his body of work is astonishing in both its breadth and its narrative depth, ranging from explosive summer blockbusters to deeply meditative character studies.
But after a recent viewing of “The Lost World,” I realized that even a director of Spielberg’s caliber takes an occasional misstep. For your edification, I’ve identified the five worst scenes Steven Spielberg ever directed, and present them now in a fun, movie-trivia-challenge format. See if you can guess all five scenes!
After a serious setback at school, a young girl is left in the care of her negligent father. As she matures, she struggles to repair their relationship while still remaining true to herself, all the while beset by forces outside her control. Finally, in her climactic scene, she jump kicks a velociraptor in the face.
A bloodthirsty carnivore terrorizes men, women, and children, a horrific interruption to an otherwise placid summer. As it eats its way through the local populace, a desperate plan is hatched to defeat it. Victory is won when an eleven-year-old jump kicks a velociraptor in the face.
Through a series of profoundly unlikely encounters, a man with a unique way of thinking seeks to reunite with the woman he loves. Completely unmoved by the significance of the events around him, he worries only for the safety of his beloved. Then his preteen child jump kicks a velociraptor in the face.
A magical, otherworldly being finds himself stranded far from home. Cobbling together a crude communications device, he manages to send a distress signal, but not before facing certain death. The magical creature, played by Jeff Goldblum, later looks on as a child gymnast jump kicks a velociraptor in the face.
A roguish scholar with a penchant for studying the ancient takes off on a clandestine adventure. Despite a charming aversion to real-life reptiles, the scholar survives the adventure through wit, grit, and determination. At the film’s climax, the scholar (portrayed by Julianne Moore) watches as the child in her care concludes a complicated gymnastics routine by jump kicking a goddamn velociraptor in the face.