Aging hipster Scientologist.

Aging hipster Scientologist.

On the heels of a black person speaking disparagingly of hipster poster child and admitted Scientologist Beck, Jon Stewart has announced his upcoming retirement, sending waves of shock and grief across the Internet as young to middle-aged white people try to find some sort of assurance that the world to which they have become accustomed will not change.

Facebook feeds early this week were heavily dominated by angry tirades against Kanye West who, despite having won 21 Grammy awards himself, was generally described as “having done nothing except marry Kim Kardashian.” West, known for his devotion to himself, Beyoncé, and pissing people off, caused a firestorm with remarks he made about Beck’s Album of the Year win.

“I just know that the Grammys, if they want real artists to keep coming back, they need to stop playing with us. We ain’t gonna play with them no more. And Beck needs to respect artistry and he should’ve given his award to Beyoncé,” said West in remarks that should not have really caused anyone to pay attention as he has been making similar statements for most of his career.

Instead, a series of angry diatribes and infographics appeared throughout the day Monday and Tuesday intent on proving Beck’s worthiness to his title, many of them taking aim at Beyoncé herself although she does not appear to have made any controversial comments on the situation.

Aging hipster fake journalist.

Aging hipster fake journalist.

The blow that fell Tuesday, though, came completely out of the blue and caused heartbreak rather than rage.

“I can’t imagine what my life will be like without Jon Stewart,” said everyone on Twitter. And every single post on Facebook was a shared link to a news story on Stewart’s upcoming retirement with many witty comparisons being made between the timing of Stewart’s retirement announcement and the six-month suspension of disgraced news hipster Brian Williams.

“I think I know who will be the next NBC anchor!” said over 100 wags.

The question of who will provide Stewart’s audience with topical, interesting, and highly curated news stories that don’t require anyone to do any research on their own has not yet been answered, although the fact that The Daily Show has a large stable of writers who crank out humorous copy on an almost daily basis should be reassuring to most.