You’ve tuned into this station, at this hour, this very instant, to hear the weather for the Pio Pico region. The weekend is a long weekend, and your weekends are important to you. You would like to know, you need to know, whether your purported camping trip with Bill and Zachary will be one sweet time, or a pretty shitty waste of days. And I’ll get to that. I’ll get to all that. But first:

I’d like to tell you about the breathtaking power of Dracula.

Dracula can do anything. Anything at all. He is that powerful. Think of something, some task. Something…incredible. Are you thinking of it? Well, Dracula can do it. Easy. He can do it–and he’s probably done it before.

Forget your superheroes. Forget your cartoon villains. Their power is nothing compared to Dracula’s breathtaking power. Is Superman immortal? Can Batman actually change into a bat? These are pressing questions. I’m having a sudden, sharp pain in the right side of my head. If I were Dracula, I wouldn’t ever even be in pain at all. I would never need the sedatives again.

The makeup and the cape are just showmanship. He’s a slick immortal, Dracula. And so powerful. His is a power that flows from beyond the grave, and lasts and lasts until the very end of days.

Sunny and mild Saturday. Sunday, partly cloudy, 30 percent chance of rain. Monday–rain all day.


A version of this story originally appeared on Rolli’s blog.

Follow Rolli on Twitter @RolliWrites.