The Ames Straw Poll still exists. It’s tempting to take Bachmann’s victory as a good sign — after all, the poll rarely predicts the candidate and has only once been in line with presidential election results. In 2000. Oh, bloody hell.

The woman will fucking cut you, but then again, a Michele Bachmann presidency will bring gas prices down to less than $2/gallon. Jebus. What does it take to not be taken seriously as a candidate for 2012? Asking the nation to pray for rain won’t get you there.

The Kardashians still exist. You can tell by their media omnipresence and their new clothing line at Sears.

Archeologist calls bullshit on the rat theory of plague spreading during the Black Death. It was us all along. Whoops.

Donald Trump thinks Obama is a shiftless . . . president. He uses different words, but still.

Five people died and dozens were injured in an accident at the Indiana State Fair. Maroon 5 and Train held a benefit concert, and all kinds of bigwigs and regular folks chipped in to help raise money for the victims. But it’s the d-bag ranting at the grocery store who most affected me. Poor guy had to miss the whole fair because it shut down the day after the accident as a show of respect for the dead and wounded. Now there’s a whole year between him and deep-fried Kool-Aid. Bullshit.